justkeeptrying1

Dealing with infertility while living down under

Here’s a confession for you….

I have never had acupuncture. Not once. Never. Not planning to either.

Now before I get bombarded with stories about how AMAZING it is, and how I TOTALLY got pregnant using acupuncture, can I just say that I am well aware of the German protocol.

I know it involved 160 women only, who had to have good embryo quality. (well that’s me out)

I also know that the 80 who didn’t receive acupuncture, didn’t receive sham acupuncture either.

Further trials involving more women and eliminating the placebo effect seem to be inconclusive. No one can say for sure. Which for me means that I would be spending money, time and hope on something that might work as well as standing on your head after sex.

I don’t do that either.

Today I had another woman more or less berate me for not giving acupuncture a go. It seems I was letting the infertility team down by not trying absolutely everything.

I know there’s a massive industry in acupuncture for infertility, but then again there’s a massive industry in miracle weight loss cures too. Just because it’s big and powerful doesn’t mean it works. It seems to me to be a bit foolish to pin your hopes/cash on something just because other people tell you to.

However, if anyone’s got hold of recent medical grade trials that prove acupuncture would work for me, I’d be more than happy to join the queue at my local clinic…

…while holding my coffee.

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aaarrrghhh!!

so you know that story that EVERYONE tells you: “oh well my friend had a friend/cousin/sister and she tried for 7/11/17 years, and she had 23/36/108 procedures and then the second they stopped trying and gave up and went on holiday to Bali/Florida/Italy they got pregnant! Bammo!”

well I ACTUALLY have a friend like that. Yes, they do exist.

Way back around IVF number 2, this friend of mine was also undergoing IVF with no success. She was trying everything. Acupuncture, weird diets, weird supplements, everything. And nothing worked. So we sat round swapping needle punctures and complaining how easy it was for everyone else and how unfair it was for us.

Anyway, she suddenly got pregnant. No IVF, no nothing. It just happened. And I found I didn’t have a friend anymore. She had moved on to the Mummy side of things, and wanted to talk about breast feeding and prams and sleepless nights. And now my problems got a kind of “oh poor you…(thank god it isn’t me)” sympathy instead of “poor US.”

and to be honest, I didn’t want to see her. I couldn’t look at her getting bigger each month without feeling upset. Classic four year old behaviour. Why her? Why not me? ME ME ME?

So two years on, she has a lovely one year old, who I have seen a couple of times and made coo coo noises at, as you do.

Then 2 days ago, out of the blue, on Facebook (of course): “I’m pregnant again, Yay!” ┬áNo IVF necessary. All natural.

and I am so, so….. upset???… jealous???

Actually I think I’m angry. Really, really angry. Which is pitiful, and shameful. I should be a bigger person than that. I should be happy for her. I should be grateful for all that is good in my life. But I’m not.

I can’t even bring myself to write her a congratulations message. Because I don’t mean it.

What terrible things TTC does to us. What awful people we turn into. Thank goodness for the IF community where you can let it all out and know that you won’t get judged.

On a brighter note, it has finally stopped raining in Sydney and I made it to the beach this week. Also I bought some new fish for my aquarium and they’re all still alive.

So I guess the final good: bad score this week would be 2:1. Onwards and upwards.

 

 

 

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