Dealing with infertility while living down under

Punch in the stomach

on February 10, 2012

That’s always where I feel it; not having a baby. Right in the stomach. It sort of clenches up and I feel ill. It would make a great diet tip really – impossible to eat when feeling like that.

I never know when it’s going to strike. Of course I get it at all the normal times:

Look in the mail and there’s the baby shower invite from your friend who is the same age as you, but onto her third ( Her 3rd!!! Somehow I can forgive the first and second, but you’ve got pregnant THREE times!?? when I can’t manage ONE??)

The adorable couple having a coffee while coo cooing at their adorable baby dressed up as a panda/butterfly/superhero…

The facebook updates of all those baby moments. What’s that? Little Jimmy was so cute and says he wants a baby sister, so you’ve decided to just go ahead and make one! Yay for you!

But you know what; you can prepare for all of that. You don’t click on their facebook page; you avoid cafes near children’s playgrounds.

I have become the world expert at avoiding baby showers. I used to mumble “ummmm, not really sure…mmmm something else on….” Now I just say flat out: ” Sorry, I don’t do baby showers.” Now don’t get me wrong. If it was my sister, or my best best friend I would go. Let’s face it though, on most of these occasions you don’t even know the MTB that well. The thing that makes me laugh (sort of) is everyone is very understanding ; “oh of course, showers must be hard for you…” when in actual fact, at least 50% of the reason for not going is I hate baby showers. Always have. Even before this TTC mess. So hah! I’m getting one over on the pregnant people!

Anyway, back to my point. The hard times to deal with are when the grief – because I guess that’s what it is- sneaks up on you unexpectedly. I have been reduced to tears in a greeting card shop of all places. Why? Because I suddenly noticed that the cards are set out in the order you’re expected to need them.

Congratulations on your engagement!

You’re getting married today!

Happy Anniversary to an adorable couple!

and then It’s a girl! or It’s a boy! or It’s twins!!

Even the greeting card industry was rubbing my nose in it. I have to admit that I might have been off my head on IVF drugs that day, but the emotion was still valid. I then had to try and pretend I had something in my eye while buying a Happy Birthday Darling card off the nice shopowner.

Probably the worst was when I was having coffee with my husband and caught him gazing wistfully out the window at a little kid wandering past. This was right after one of our IVF failures. That one still hurts.


2 responses to “Punch in the stomach

  1. Slynn says:

    I totally feel everything that you wrote.

  2. Gail K says:

    Wow! You put everything I think and feel into words much more eloquent than I could have.

    Here from Mel’s weekly blog roundup.

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