Dealing with infertility while living down under

Happy Birthday….

on February 7, 2012
English: A variety of my different breeds of c...

Charles Dickens!

His 200th birthday today. I always quite liked Great Expectations although I think Estella could have done with a kick in the shins.

Anyway, I woke up early this morning to the sound of my neighbour’s chickens – for some reason keeping chickens is now very popular in Sydney – so I thought I’d write a post clarifying where I’m at in my “IF journey” ( I can’t believe I just wrote that. That phrase is henceforth banned from this blog).

Our 4th IVF failed last year, for exactly the same reason as the previous 3: my eggs fertilised ok, but then went mushy. We used different protocols each time (and two different doctors), but achieved the same result. It got so I knew to expect the call from the technician on Day 3 telling me none of my eggs were viable. (That was a fun day at work!)

So that leaves 2 choices: egg donation or adoption, or choice 2.5: keep trying with the IVF now I’m in a different city, and hope they can come up with something different.

I am having a very hard time getting my head round adoption. I know there are many, many people out there for whom it has been a wonderful experience, but I don’t think I’m one of them.

So is it back to IVF? Do I JustKeepTrying? or do we take the other (scary) option and say that’s that: no children.

The thing with infertility is I feel like I’m on a train. Everyone starts at station A and wants to get to station B(aby). Some women just go from one to the other, no problem, express route. Others have the slow train that makes stops along the way. IUIs, IVF, adoption, and then finally they arrive.

I think the problem for me, is how do you know when it’s time to get off the train? To say OK, I am never going to get there. Because the whole IF industry is based on getting you that baby. And I don’t know about you ladies out there, but I have never had a doctor say to me; you know what, maybe you need to go away and think about being child free. Oh no; they say things like well it’s been a disaster so far, but you could now try this injection, or this supplement, or eating certain foods, or meditating, or giving up other foods. I know if I go to the doctor here in Sydney that they’ll say “Of COURSE we can try something!” and then the whole damn train journey will start again, accompanied by passengers Hope, Despair and Bloatedness. (have you had enough of this metaphor yet?)

So that’s where I am: weighing up trying again and all that that entails vs saying Enough. Is anyone out there making similar decisions? At least I know you all understand where I’m coming from. One of the most hurtful comments I ever got  was from someone I thought was a good friend, who suggested I try IVF. (don’t you love it when people suggest IVF like they’ve invented it and it’s bound to be something you’ve never heard of? )

“Actually we’ve had 3 rounds of IVF.” I replied.

“That’s nothing!” she said, ” My sister in law had FIVE goes before she got pregnant!”

There you go. My lack of baby is clearly my own fault. If only I’d tried a bit harder.

Making decisions about infertility treatments is brutal enough, without dealing with stupids. No wonder we need internet friends!




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